Red Back in the Saddle...

I am sure that you all have heard about most of the nasties that await you when you arrive in the Land Down Undah... crocs, snakes, Tasmanian Devils, bats, cassowaries, lizards and insanely huge spiders. All of my Aussie mates have a love hate relationship with their country's nasty dwellers. I find it quite endearing that they even write funny folk songs about them. Most of my "Yank" friends have informed me that they have a severe phobia of "sniiiiikes." (snakes) Which is so amusing since the chance of a face to face or more like a face to foot "barney" (fight) with a sniiiike is quite rare unless you are out in the bush and you're "as game as a piss ant." (Really daring). Now, let me tell you what you should have a healthy respect for when you do overcome all of your other fears and finally visit Oz.

The Red-back Spider, found only in Australia, looks similar to a black widow spider. It is one of the most dangerous spiders in Australia and packs a neurotoxic venom in its bite when it "chucks a wobbly" (loses its temper) that can ruin your day... fair dinkum...you' d be "on a sticky wicket" for sure! (in trouble) 

The red-back is found in all regions of Australia. Some common hiding places for the "more front than Myers"  (very cheeky) red-back would include under rocks in the garden, wood piles, near rubbish bins, windowsills, lawn chairs and furniture, inside the shed and of course the "Great Australian Dunny" (the outhouse).

The female red-back is larger than the male, has a red stripe on its back and she takes husband abuse to a whole new level as she eats him for "tuckah" after they mate. I wouldn't want to go with her on a blind date...So no surprise here... if you are bitten by a red-back spider... it is a female. But "don't get off of your bike about it" (don't fret) there is an anti-venom that is as common as a Four & Twenty meat pie. (readily available)


I am ending today with the "ridgy didge" (genuine) folk song about the elusive red-back spider. 

Important Note: When you come to Australia don't worry so much about where you walk... worry about where you sit down!

There was a red-back on the toilet seat, 
When I went out last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
I jumped high up into the air,
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty red-back spider,
Wasn't nowhere to be found.


There was a red-back on the toilet seat,
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I'm ere in 'ospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red-back spider,
On the toilet seat last night.


Rushin in to the missus,
Told 'er just where I'd been bit,
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade,
And I nearly took a fit.
I said, " Just forget what's on yer mind,
And call the doctor please,
"Cause I've got a feeling that yer cure,
Is worse than the disease."


I can't lay down, I can't sit up,
And I don't know what to do,
And all the nurses think it's funny,
But that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrasing,
(And that's to say the least)
That I'm too sick to eat a bite,
While that spider had a feast!


And when I get back home again,
I'll tell you what I'll do,
I'll make that red-back suffer,
For the pain I'm goin' through,
I've 'ad so many needles,
That I'm lookin' like a sieve,
And I promise you that the spider,
Hasn't very long to live!


There was a red-back on the toilet seat,

When I was there last night,

I didn't see him in the dark,

But boy! I felt his bite!

And now I'm ere in 'ospital

A sad and sorry plight,

And I curse the red-back spider,

On the toilet seat last night.