"The Race That Stops A Nation"

The 1st Tuesday in November in Australia isn't election day like it is in the U.S. It's Melbourne Cup Day. It is ALWAYS Melbourne Cup Day and this year is the 150th...
  

"Race That Stops A Nation..."

Now, I didn't really believe that any nation would stop for a horse race until I experienced Melbourne Cup Day. At approximately 3pm on the first Tuesday in November, time stands still down here in Australia. Everyone just stops what they are doing and either listens to the radio or watches the horse race. Cab drivers stop. Grocery stores stop. Schools stop. It's incredible... it's like you are living in The Twilight Zone for a couple of minutes. Your heart pounds with the horses' hooves and you hold your breath until the winner crosses the finish line.

Here's some tidbits about the Melbourne Cup...*

The Melbourne Cup is probably the most popular spectator event in Australia. It is a race for three-year-olds and over, for a distance of 3,200 meters and is held at The Flemington Racecourse. This race is the most prestigious and by far the richest "two mile" handicap race in the world. Total prize money for the 2010 race will be AUD $6,000,000.

The current trophy is made up of 34 pieces of 18-carat gold that is hand beaten for over 200 hours valuing the trophy at $125,000. Race-goers dress up in formal wear and outlandish attire all trying to win the prestigious fashion awards that take place on the lawn. The record crowd for spectators was 122,736 in 2003 and has grown considerably each year. The Flemington Racecourse now requires race-goers to pre-purchase tickets.

Since the whole nation watches the race and not everyone has money down on a horse, I always thought that it would be much more interesting if the owners came up with better names for the announcers to read during the race to make it more interesting for those of us who aren't gamblers. This is how my "imaginary" Melbourne Cup race would go down...

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen the horses are ready to go and THEY'RE OFF! It's Murphy's Law, Skinny Legs, What's the Cow Say, That's What She Said, Hey, Where's My Pie and I've Been Abducted By An Alien, followed by I'm Comin', I'm Comin'... around the first bend it's Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers alongside No Pictures Please and That's What She Said. Skinny Legs moves up and passes Hey, Where's My Pie and I've Been Abducted By An Alien and That's What She Said. It's Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers, Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers, No Pictures Please. Round the last turn vying for first it's Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers, No Pictures Please, I'm Comin' I'm Comin' and I've Been Abducted By An Alien. Where's My Pie is coming on fast moving past I'm Comin' I'm Comin' and I've Been Abducted By An Alien. Where's My Pie is in the lead and it's... it's... No Pictures Please! WHAT A RACE FOLKS!"

Now that would be a horse race to remember! So, if anyone out there knows any trainers or horse owners who want some unusual names for their upcoming "hopefuls" tell them to give me a call... Hoo Roo! I have to go and make my hat.

*Tidbits are from Wikipedia... 

So You Wanna Talk Like An Aussie?

What is it about the Australian slang that we love so much? Is it in the laid back delivery from the typical light-hearted Aussie? Whatever it is, everyone wants to speak like an Australian. This will take you years of practice. First, you have to throw the letter "R" out of the alphabet. *** There are exceptions to this rule. Second, you have to jumble all of the words together and delete most of the commas. And third, your must shorten all words (even people's names) or phrases because time is precious here in Oz and they have better things to do... like having a barby, (bar-b-que) a cuppa, (smoko) going to the beach or the pub or hanging out with their mates. I have been living "down undah" for a while now and I am still hearing new twists on words and strange and unusual phrases everyday.

** The exceptions to the dismissal of the letter "R"- If you say a word that ends in an "A" or an "AW" well, most of the time, you add an "R." For Example:

China = Chiner

Saw = Sawer

Canada = Canader

Tostada = Tostader
Spa = Spar 

You get my drift. Go ahead... your first lesson towards becoming an Aussie linguist. Now, remember, anywhere else an "R" appears in a word... you just omit it and pretend there is an "H" there instead. For Example:

Car = Cah

Star = Stah
Ladder = Laddah
Bird = Bihd

Water = Waddah

Tucker = Tuckah (Which is food here in Oz)

Okay, the next lesson for today is a really simple one. You just shorten everyone's name. Sometimes you can add a "za" at the end to be real flash. (Don't forget to take out the "R" and add the "H." For Example:

Gary = Gaz or Gazza

Jerry = Jez or Jezza

Rosanne = Zan or Zaza
Colin = Col

Confusion will occur because most phrases are said fairly fast and all joined together.... like this: 

"Hey, owyagoin, mate? 

Wanna 'ava cuppa dis arvo?"

Which means... Hello, friend! How are you?
Would you like to join me for a hot drink this afternoon?

Many words are very close but mean completely different things. For example: avo, arvo, avago...

Avo = Avocado

Arvo = Afternoon

Avago = To have a turn at something - Have a go

So, you see my American mates, it will take you a long time to master the fine art of Aussie "Strine." I have included a poem written by W.T. Goodge. He arrived in Sydney from London in 1882 and went "walkabout" around New South Wales for twelve years before becoming a journalist. For the nine years prior to his death he wrote a column for the Sydney Truth about the "doings" of an imaginary drinking group, the Gimcrack Club. He is best known for his book, The Great Australian Adjective. Norman Lindsay considered him one of Australia's best writers of light verse. He died in 1909. This poem is "Australian as meat pie!" (Authentically Australian) I think you will enjoy it...

THE AUSTRALIAN SLANGUAGE by W.T. Goodge

"Tis the everyday Australian
   Has a language of his own,
Has a language, or a slanguage,
   Which can simply stand alone.
And a "dickon pitch to kid us"
   Is a synonym for "lie",
And to "nark it" means to stop it,
   And to "nit it" means to fly.

And a bosom friend's a "cobber,"
   And a horse a "prad" or "moke,"
While a casual acquaintance
   Is a "joker" or a "bloke."
And his lady-love's his "donah"
   or his "clinah" or his "tart"
Or his "little bit o' muslin,"
   As it used to be his "bart."

And his naming of the coinage
   Is a mystery to some,
With his "quid" and "half-a-caser"
   And his "deener" and his "scrum".
And a "tin-back" is a party
   Who's remarkable for luck,
And his food is called his "tucker"
   Or his "panem" or his "chuck".

A policeman is a "johnny"
   Or a "copman" or a "trap",
And a thing obtained on credit
   Is invariably "strap".
A conviction"s known as "trouble",
   And a gaol is called a "jug",
And a sharper is a "spieler"
   And a simpleton's a "tug".

If he hits a man in fighting
   That is what he calls a "plug",
If he borrows money from you
   He will say he "bit your lug."
And to "shake it" is to steal it,
   And to "strike it" is to beg;
And a jest is "poking borac",
   And a jester "pulls your leg".

Things are "cronk" when they go wrongly
   In the language of the "push",
But when things go as he wants 'em
   He declares it is "all cush".
When he's bright he's got a "napper",
   And he's "ratty" when he's daft,
And when looking for employment
   He is "out o' blooming graft".

And his clothes he calls his "clobber"
   Or his "togs", but what of that
When a "castor" or a "kady"
   Is the name he gives his hat!
And our undiluted English
   Is a fad to which we cling,
But the great Australian slanguage
   Is a truly awful thing!

Drop Those Oreos Now!

I was sitting at the computer wondering what I was going to write about when Bam! It hit me! Not the topic for my blog but my desperate chocolate craving...

It's funny how you get addicted to your favorite brands of chocolate. (Favourite... for the Aussies.) Before I moved to Oz mine were Nestle's Crunch Bar, Oreo Cookies, Junior Mints and last but definitely not least Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Which, by the way is Hershey's number one selling chocolate product, who knew? I have traveled to many places in the world and of course it's a must to try all of the chocolate that the different countries offer. Now that I have indulged in the Aussie chocolates I have to report that it is the best that I have ever tasted.

"It is the chocolate pot of gold at the end of the sugar rainbow here "Down Under."

Okay, so here's the run-down of what to look for online if you live in the U.S.A... Cadbury Dairy Milk, Crunchies, Time-Out, Cherry Ripe, Picnic, Violet Crumble, Rocky Road, even chocolate covered black licorice which sounds weird but is sheer heaven! It might be kind of "exy" (expensive) to buy online but this stuff beats Belgian or Godiva chocolate hands down. Now, my American chocolate seems "bodgy" (of inferior quality to me.) If you know my Dad then you know that he is a chocoholic too. One time on a trip home he took no joke... 80 kilos of Cadbury chocolate back with him. (That's about 320 bars.) Good Onya Dad! (Well done.) He had to bribe a couple of the ticket agents with the chocolate to let him through because he was so overweight, the chocolate I mean, not Dad!

It was hard to give up Oreo's until I discovered Arnott's Tim Tams, the most indulgent biscuit in the world! What is a Tim Tam? A Tim Tam is a chocolate "bikkie" (cookie) It is made of two layers of chocolate malt biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling and coated in a sinful layer of textured chocolate. There are many varieties but we love the Double Coat Tim Tam which is more stable and won't collapse. This is "good oil" (useful information) for an yummy activity at the end of my blog. A 7-ounce package of Tim Tams contains 11 biscuits which is the only major flaw with Tim Tams because it's not an even number and you have to fight for the last one! Remind me to write to Arnott's about that...

Coincidentally,  my Aussie mates, did you know that Tim Tams were named after a horse that won the Kentucky Derby in 1958? Ross Arnott attended the derby that day and thought, "What a ripper! The perfect name for my new biscuit!" According to Arnott's, 1 in every 2 households contains "a packet" of Tim Tams. One packet? Who are they kidding?  We buy them by the case for our house... Around 35 million packs are sold each year - that's nearly 400 million biscuits!

Americans, drop those Oreos now!
Your milk dunking days have ended!  

Introducing The Tim Tam Slam: the practice of drinking a hot beverage, e.g. tea, coffee, hot chocolate, Milo, chai, whatever, through a Tim Tam biscuit. It's that beautiful little bikkie right below where I'm typing... ahhh, dark chocolate... Don't you wish you could just grab it right off of the screen?

HOW TO DO A TIM TAM SLAM...

Bite off opposite corners of your favorite Tim Tam flavor. (One on the top left corner and one on the top right corner.) Remember, I told you that the Double Coated Tim Tams are more stable but if you are a risk taker - then choose the "Ridgy Didge" (original) flavor. Next, submerge one bitten off corner into your drink of choice and suck through the biscuit. The crispy biscuit inside will soften and the outer chocolate layer will begin to melt. It's best if the inside of the biscuit stays in tact long enough for you to drink your beverage. You can refrigerate them which hardens the outside coating and makes them last longer. I can never wait that long. Besides, I like to live dangerously.

On Australia Day in 2004, 200 people in a pub in England and about 30,000 people throughout the United Kingdom attempted to set a world record using Tim Tams for tea-sucking. Tea? Yuck, hot chocky is the best... but the Brit's do love their tea!

Now that I have drooled all over my Mom's keyboard... I feel the need for a Tim Tam Slam... Hoo-Roo! (See you later)

You Asked For It!

Wow! I have been blogging for just over a week now and am very excited to have so many followers! Thanks guys! Who knew that my life in Oz was so exciting? I have been swamped with readers wanting to know where and what all of the "Big Things" are from my "Bigger is Better" post last week. Well, you asked for it, you got it... If I formatted it right, you should be able to click on a big thing and it will take you its link. 


Sometimes I don't always define what the Aussie slang means when I use it. (It's called "Strine" or "Australian English.") My American followers have asked me if I would always include a definition. No problem... They would also like to know what an "Akubra hat" is. (From my "Same Same But Different" post.) So here's what Wikipedia has to say about Akubras... And thanks for reading my blog! It's making my creative writing class a lot more fun!

The Australian Akubra Hat

An Akubra wide-brimmed hat

Akubra is an Australian brand of brush hat, whose wide-brimmed styles are a distinctive part of Australian culture, especially in rural areas. The name is believed to be derived from an Aboriginal word for head covering.^[1]
Akubra's best-known hats are made from rabbit fur felt with wide brims, and the term "Akubra" is sometimes used to refer to any hat of this kind. Many Akrubas have drawstrings that not only add to the hat's appearance, but keeps the hat on the head on windy days.
Akubra hats are an important part of traditional outdoor clothing in Australia. They are often worn by hunters, farmers, graziers, horsemen, stockmen and women on the land. As well as protecting their wearers from sun and rain, the hats are used to hold eggs or mushrooms, to cover an eye of recalcitrant horses, to fan fires and to water dogs when in the bush.^[2]

Index of Big Things by Name

Abalone (Laverton North, VIC) Ant (Broken Hill, NSW) Apple (Bacchus Marsh, VIC) Apple (Donnybrook, WA) Apple (Thulimbah, QLD) Apple (Yerrinbool, NSW) Avocado (Tweed Heads, NSW) Axe (Kew, NSW) Ayers Rock (Karuah, NSW) Banana (Carnarvon, WA) Banana (Coffs Harbour, NSW) Bananas, Bunch of, Sawtell, NSW) Barramundi (Daintree, QLD) Barramundi (Normanton, QLD) Bicycle (Chullora, NSW) Bicycle (Southport, QLD) Bird (Gippsland, VIC) Blue Heeler (Muswellbrook, NSW) Boomerang (Eumundi, QLD) Boomerang (Surfers Paradise, QLD) Boot (Rozelle, NSW) Bottle (??, ??) Bottle (Bundeburg, QLD) Bottle (Mangrove Mountain, NSW) Bottle (Pokolbin, NSW) Bottle (Rutherglen, VIC) Bowl (Port Macquarie, NSW) Bridge (Warwick Farm, NSW) Brolga (Townsville, QLD) Brush (Balmain, NSW) Bull (Rockhampton, QLD) Bull (Wauchope, NSW) Camera (Meckering, WA) Can (??, QLD) Cassowary (Mission Beach, QLD) Cheese (Bodalla, NSW) Cherries (Young, NSW) Chicken (Moonbi, NSW) Cigar (Churchill, VIC) Cigarette (Myrtleford, VIC) Clock (Murray Bridge, SA) Coffee Pot (Deloraine, TAS) Cook, Captain (Cairns, QLD) Cow (Brunswick Junction, WA) Cow (Nambour, QLD) Cow (Phillip Island, VIC) Crocodile (Humpty Doo, NT) Crocodile (Normanton, QLD) Crocodile (Wyndham, WA) Cup (Southport, QLD) Dinosaur (Richmond, QLD) Diplodocus (Somersby, NSW) Dog on a Tucker Box (Gundagai, NSW) Dugong (Rockhampton, QLD) Egg (Lake Boga, VIC) Eight Ball (Port Macquarie, NSW) Elephant (Nimmitabel, NSW) Elephants (Woolgoolga, NSW) Fish (Caboolture, QLD) Fish (Caravilla, NSW) Fruit Bowl (Bilpin, NSW) Galah (Kimba, SA) Glasses (Kogarah, NSW) Gold Panner (Bathurst, NSW) Guitar (Narrandera, NSW) Guitar (Tamworth, NSW) Gumboot (Tully, QLD) Hotdog (Arncliffe, NSW) Joint (Nimbin, NSW) Kangaroo (Border Village, SA) Koala (Dadswells Bridge, VIC) Koala (Phillip Island, VIC) Koalas (Coffs Harbour, NSW)

Lobster (Kingston SE, SA) Macadamia (Nambour, QLD) Mandarin (Mundubbera, QLD) Mango (Bowen, QLD) Marlin (Cairns, QLD) Marree Man (Outback, SA) Merino (Blackall, QLD) Merino (Goulburn, NSW) Milkshake (Warrnambool, VIC) Milkshake Containers (Tongala, VIC) Miner (Kapunda, SA) Miner (Rubyvale, QLD) Mobile Phone (Hurstville, NSW) Mosquito (Hexham, NSW) Mower (Beerwah, QLD) Muffler (Southport, QLD) Murray Cod (Swan Hill, VIC) Murray Cod (Tocumwal, NSW) Mushroom (Belconnen, ACT) Ned Kelly (Glenrowan, VIC) Octopus (Lakes Entrance, NSW) Orange (Berri, SA) Orange (Gayndah, QLD) Orange (Harvey, WA) Orange (Tenterfield, NSW) Oyster (Taree, NSW) Oyster (Ceduna, SA) Painting (Emerald, QLD) Pavlova (Marulen, NSW) Peanut (Kingaroy/Tolga, QLD) Pelican (Noosa, QLD) Penguin (Penguin, TAS) Pie (Yatala, QLD) Pineapple (Gympie, QLD) Pineapple (Nambour, QLD) Potato (Robertson, NSW) Prawn (Ballina, NSW) Pumpkin (Beaudesert, QLD) Pumpkin (Goomeri, QLD) Ram (Wagin, WA) Redback Spider (Eight Mile Plains, Brisbane, QLD) Rig (Roma, QLD) Rock (Barrington Tops, NSW) Rocking Horse (Gumeracha, SA) Rolling Pin (Wodonga, VIC) Saddle (Picton, NSW) Santa (Macksville, NSW) Sapphire (Anakie, QLD) Scotsman (Adelaide, SA) Shell (Tewantin, QLD) Slide Rule (University of Tasmania, TAS) Staircase (Perth, WA) Sticks (Eumundi, QLD) Strawberry (Sunshine Coast, QLD) Stubby (Larrimah, NT) Stubby (Tewantin, QLD) Submarine (Holbrook, NSW) Sundial (Singleton, NSW) Tap (Phillip Island, VIC) Tasmanian Devil (Mole Creek, TAS) Titanic (Williamstown, VIC) Toad, SArina, QLD) Triceratops (Ballendean, NSW) Trout (Adaminaby, NSW) Trout (Oberon, NSW) Truck (Dysart, QLD) Wave (Phillip Island, VIC) Whale, Killer (Phillip Island, VIC) Winch (Coober Pedy, SA) Windmill (Coffs Harbour, NSW) Wine Cask (Buronga, NSW) Wool Bales (Hamilton, VIC) Worm (Bass, VIC)

Who'll Stop the Rain?

The other day I was talking to an Aussie who is interested in visiting America. He said, "If I go to the U.S. I have to see Hollywood, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Texas, Mexico, Nashville and Miami... is two weeks enough time to see all of that? I found this quite amusing. He has no idea just how large The United States is. This is not unusual because most of our American friends have no concept of how large Australia is either.

Here is a map of Australia in comparison to the United States. So, for the record, my American mates, you will not be able to go to The Great Barrier Reef, Sydney, Melbourne, Ayers Rock, Tasmania, Perth and visit us in Brisbane for any length of time in just two weeks! Even though Australia is a fair bit larger that the U.S.A... the population density of Australia is only 2.8 inhabitants per square kilometer, which is among the lowest in the world! Fair Dinkum! There are 22 million Australians total. The state I live in, California, has almost half again as many people than the WHOLE COUNTRY of Australia! (36,962,664) The population density is 234.4 per square mile about one hundred times that of Oz.

Just in case you are wondering, the total population for the U.S.A. is 307,006,550. (That's a lot of "Yanks.")

Where am I going with this? Basically, in either country you would have "Buckley's chance (no chance) of cramming all of that sightseeing into two power packed weeks. Plan on taking a few trips to either place... take your time and don't "be flat out like a lizard drinkin'!

Furthermore, all of you Aussies... don't "spit the dummy" (complain) about the traffic here in Oz. You haven't even seen traffic until you have visited L.A. Which leads me to the subject for my blog today. Most Australians have never seen snow but my fellow Californians you have never seen rain until you have visited Queensland in the rainy season! This month has been crazy and it's not even the "rainy season." Last month was even worse! When it rains here our driveway gets completely washed away. The rain is so heavy you cannot see two feet in front of your face. It just comes down in sheets. We all scramble around the house "like bees in a fit" placing buckets, pots, pans and whatever we can find under certain areas of the roof because sometimes it rains so hard that the roof just can't handle it. Bridges and roads get washed away in an instant. It fascinates me that even some Queenslanders still don't understand the power of water. When it rains like this... we just don't go out in it. Neither will any of our dogs so that creates another "mongrol" of problem we have to deal with!

Last month, based on records since 1900, Queensland had its wettest September on record. The state average rainfall was 75.98mm (breaking the previous record of 70.58mm set in 1906.) The highest monthly rainfall total was 612.8mm at Bellenden Ker Top Station. One night at my house it rained 189mm and that was in about five hours. I think that is about 10 inches in all!

Our neighbors gave us a housewarming gift when we arrived. It was quite unusual, probably something my American friends would never receive as a housewarming gift. It was a hurricane/cyclone kit! It contained candles, a flashlight, waterproof matches, a can opener, a radio, a little first aid kit, masking tape for the windows and a couple of cans of baked beans. (F.Y.I. The Aussies love their baked beans on toast.) This past year we have had four cyclone warnings. I can't imagine what the rain would be like if and when a cyclone does hit us here! Holy Dooley!

Since we live on the side of a cliff, when it rains on our property we get these incredible, rushing waterfalls almost like flash flood waterfalls. After the rain stops, our neighbor usually calls us and says, "Hey, let's go for a walk down the falls." A walk down our falls is a mind blowing experience. There is nothing that I can compare it to. But I hope it rains again soon...

Okay, so here's the good news. We rely solely on rainwater here at our house. We have two-10,000 gallon water tanks that we use for our house water and also for our irrigation. No thirty minute showers here, girls. So, it is bittersweet, we put up with the torrential rain for days and days and get sick of it but we don't have to worry about water for a long time, we get to go for a waterfall walk and when it rains too much we can even have a nice, long shower because our tanks are overflowing!

And... I would have to say that the rainbows in Australia are the most breathtaking I have ever seen! What do you think?

Moving Out The Squatters...

Today's blog is not for the faint hearted. Ladies, if you are prone to wild, irrational behavior at the sight of a spider, please move your drink away from your computer keyboard right now!

In Australia they have a term called a "squatter" which originated in the colonial times when people were claiming land. Now it's a term that is commonly used for someone who takes over your home. Squatters, you see take up residence when you are away. They even have "squatter's rights" to protect them. So, let me get this straight, they move into our home uninvited and we have to wait for them to leave?  

Thus began our war with the squatters...

We have a three story home here in Oz. It has beautifully crafted, ornate, wood ceilings, large rooms, an expansive view AND on our first day we also learned that it had a few unwelcome residents. You see, our home had been empty for four years and remember, we are out in "the bush." They decided to welcome us in traditional Aussie fashion! The first morning the butcher birds were singing their lovely song, and the Kookaburras were laughing... probably at the silly Americans who were going to try to live in the bush. Mom woke up with a start because a huge eyeball was staring at her between the wood boards in the roof.

Now, even though my Mom is a tomboy who doesn't get scared easily, she still woke up Dad and started to freak out. My sister and I raced frantically into her room and the commotion caused the visitor to move. Swhiiiisch, scratch, slither. Okay, was it a huge snake? It was in the roof... right above us... we could see its massive shadow moving along between the roof boards. What was this? Another one started to move across the roof above the bed. Mom jumped up out of bed and started packing. Dad tried to reassure us by saying, "Look, if it is a snake, the tin roof will make it too hot up there and it will be out as soon as the sun hits the roof. Then we can block up where it goes out." So we waited. About five minutes later this HUGE lizard (I found out later it was called a lace monitor) climbed out of the roof outside right next to Mom's window and crawled down the side of the house.  I looked at my Dad with my mouth wide open and yelled, "No, way!" Immediately after that another one did exactly the same thing! They were both about six feet long from nose to tail. To make a long story short, we nicknamed them Ricky & Lucy and it only took us four months, four carpenters and about $9,000 to get them removed. They have moved out for good and have retired somewhere on the Sunshine Coast.

After breakfast that day, we came across our next squatter. Jack was a 6 foot carpet python that had taken up residence in one of our sheds. He was "as mean as cat's piss" when we took him out. He came back to the shed about eight more times before moving in under our deck, then out into the far shed. One of our neighbors told us he found a nice girl snake and last May they moved to Bong Bong. (A real town in Oz by the way.)

By the afternoon we had removed most of the dirt, dust and cobwebs and headed down the the lowest level of our house. It was no surprise when we were greeted by a family of huntsman spiders. I said that very calmly didn't I? Let me tell you guys about Huntsman spiders. They are about the size of a grown man's hand, look scarier than a tarantula and get pretty "stroppy" (angry) when you try to relocate them somewhere else. Dad went to the local farm supply to get some spider spray and the owner there said, "Mate, we don't kill 'em! They eat about a thousand bugs everyday! Just learn to live with 'em. They've been there longer than you have." We haven't had many in the house since we have moved in but when we get one, it's "catch and release." Dad scoops it up into a Tupperware container and releases it into the wild.

Finally, I have saved the best for last. That same night Mom went to unpack her clothes into her bedroom closet and was welcomed with open arms by a light tan snake. She ran through the house screaming, "There's a snake in the closet! There's a snake in the closet!" Dad casually answered, (Since he was the snake authority now) "What kind of snake." "I don't know what kind of snake!" So Dad yells up, "Get the camera and take a picture and I will see if it's poisonous." So Mom slammed the closet shut, ran to the office, grabbed the camera and... I couldn't believe she opened the closet again, quickly took a photo of the snake and slammed the door shut again. There we were all huddled around the desk in the office looking through our "Australians... Deadly & Venomous" book trying to match our picture to the snake. It turned out to be a Coastal Taipan. They are typically 2-3 meters long and extremely venomous. The book actually said, "Dangerous: Venom strongly neurotoxin. One drop of venom is capable of killing one hundred men. I think that's a bit of overkill don't you?

Mom then did the only thing she could do at that time of night. She calmly went down into the garage and returned with numerous rolls of gray duct tape and proceeded to tape up every single crack in her room. She taped every door closed. She taped every tiny, little space between each board in the roof. She taped the windows, the closets and then she nailed them shut and announced to us, "It's me or them. Either they move, or we do."

Just for the record we stayed at our home and I am happy to report it is just the four of us and our cat and 2 dogs... I think. I must add that Mom is "grinning like a shot fox." (Very happy and satisfied.)

Stop and Smell the Roses...

According to the recent survey “Stress in America,” a large majority of Americans suffer from extreme stress on a daily basis. This survey also reported that parents had elevated stress levels and concluded that, as a result, children and spouses are quite often negatively affected. Taking time off of work and leaving the hustle and bustle of one’s daily life is a key factor in stress reduction. Traveling is a terrific way to escape daily stress altogether and discover cultural differences at the same time. When visiting Australia, in particular, tourists will discover a noticeably slower-paced lifestyle primarily because Australians take precious time every day to relax and enjoy an Aussie “smoko.”

I have been exceptionally fortunate to be able to travel all over the world with my parents. As soon as I arrived in Australia there was a definite time difference. I’m not talking about the obvious difference in time between Australia (Oz) and the USA. By the way, it is already tomorrow here and a tropically sunny day. The moment I landed in this country I observed that Australians were less stressed and had a slower-paced lifestyle. This intrigued me. Why is it considerably slower in Australia than in the United States? After a couple of days of immersion into the Aussie culture, I had an epiphany. The Aussies have a twice-daily necessary ritual that they “will keep until the kangaroos come home.” This custom is known as smoko, the Aussies straight-forward prescription to stress reduction.

According to Wikipedia a “smoko” is a term used for a short, often informal break. Among the sheep shearers in Australia, smoko is a mid-morning break between breakfast and lunch, when a light meal may be eaten. The Aussie’s are dead serious about having their smoko breaks! They might be mad as a cut snake, miserable as a bandicoot, buggered or flat out like a lizard drinking but would they ever miss a smoko? "Not on your Nelly!" Smoko is the Australian answer to “Stop and Smell the Roses.” It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. As an illustration, one day, I noticed a telephone repairman hanging in a sling seventy-five feet up in the air. He was so incredibly focused on his intricate line repair. All of a sudden he glanced at his watch and quickly scurried down the pole to grab his Esky and join his mates in a smoko break. Why is this twice-daily “time-out” so beneficial? Americans get a couple of breaks from their jobs every day. The key point here is that all of your mates stop work at the same time. Therefore, they all get together to wind down, take a breather for 20-30 minutes and have a bite to eat and spend some social time together.

On the contrary, in California where I am originally from, people don’t drop in to their neighbor’s homes anymore for morning or afternoon coffee or tea. Not true in Australia. Every day at our house we have at least three groups of people stopping in “to have a yarn.” They always bring bikkies, cakes, scones, or another confectionary masterpiece; slices. In fact, if morning smoko isn't enough to get you energized again, keep in mind that they also have afternoon smoko. My Dad gained 20 pounds here this year, and that's because he thoroughly enjoys smoko and the cakes! The most compelling evidence that I have to support my theory is that my Dad was so stressed from living in America; in addition, his cholesterol levels were through the roof when we first arrived in Australia. Given these points, after indulging in his numerous daily smoko breaks, he is off of his medication and has chilled out immensely. Some days he has six or seven smoko breaks with our drop in guests and visits to our neighbor’s homes. The bad news is that he is now addicted to the Aussie bikkies and slices.

Another thing that amazes me about smoko is no matter when you go to someone's house the ladies always get out all of their cakes and slices as if they have been baking for days on end. I'm talking fresh, not frozen and certainly not Sara Lee! I used to ask them, "Were you expecting someone to drop by?" But now I know better; these women are always fully equipped and ready for the masses.

In summary, I know you will agree that taking time out from the daily grind is an essential part of stress reduction. A well-needed vacation incidentally, is a key factor for stress relief. Yet, for some of us, it is just not a possible option right now. In the meantime, I am suggesting that one takes time for an Aussie smoko every day at their work place or at home with their family. Not only will you notice your lifestyle slow down immensely you will also get the benefit of spending precious time with those people that you cherish.

AUSSIE SLANG TERMS

Mad as a cut snake - Insane

Miserable as a bandicoot - Most unhappy

Buggered - Mad, angry, upset

Flat out like a lizard drinking - Working non-stop, flat out.

Not on your Nelly” - Absolutely not, under no circumstances.

Esky - Another name for an Eskimo brand cooler.

Have a yarn - To have a conversation or tell a story, which more

or less at any given moment contains a dubious amount of exaggeration.

Slice - A slice is kind of like a candy bar or a cookie baked in a flat pan.

Bikkies - cookies

Scones - Similar to an American biscuit always served with jam and cream.